What makes you happy?


A question I should stop to ask myself more often because when I do I realise, it's been a while since I did something for me. Just me. People say fate controls your life. I say you control your own life. It is what you make of it, a sum of all the experiences you've had in the past. It is a direct result of the decisions you make, opportunities you grab or let go of and relationships you walk away from or invest in.


Being alone, in a quiet room, thoughts that I've repressed for a while tend to surface. Should I do what I always do or do I give in to them this time.Should I go through the emotions that come with those thoughts, deal with them and move on. It's easier said than done. Distracting myself would be the easiest thing to do though. Just indulge in something on the television so that my mind is consumed by the images in front of me. That way the thoughts in my head are the ones that are being fed, the ones being injected into my thought processes...less work, no strain of having to accept the decisions I've made.


Watching "The Secret" changed my life and the way I view everybody in it. I realise now more than ever, when you want something bad enough, with every fiber of your being, the entire universe conspires to get it for you. Not a few a people, no, the ENTIRE universe. It sets off a chain of events that bring you closer to what you want. The trick is not to indulge in the "wanting", however, immerse yourself in the "believing".


I'm a woman on a mission.
I'm a woman who knows what she wants and will not settle for anything else/less.
...because I'm a room without a roof.    :)

staying is believing

the lights on but nobody is home
u think u do but u never really know
should i walk away or go with the flow
i should kiss you now so you dont have to speak,
coz when u do my head hurts and it makes me so weak
your words are like you,
a beautiful sweet lie
its what i want to hear
even when i know its not the truth
Your smile is captivating im under your spell
I ache for your presence and die a little everytime u go
You charm me with your seemingly childish innocence
but i know your instinct for survival could turn vicious
So be silent now,and kiss me like im the only one
Because I know when the nighlight vanishes you will be gone.

exit

Pieces of paper lying on the floor
When you walked after you talked your talk
When the words were water flowing on a rock
You think you do but do you really know?

Its only a matter of time,
The layers will fall
You'll be standing tall
Until then keep the windows shut tight.

I could come, I could go
You stay , you should know
Everything is the same when everything changes,
Notice how this world keeps spinning.

Its simplicity in its simplest form
Would you know its real if it stared you in the face?
Or believe yourself and hide in your quiet place.
Is it too late...I think I see the storm.

The pieces of paper have flown away
All thats left are little bits.
Rain, rain please come again.
I promise that I will stand in your way.

Whisper of an angel

When I am down, and the weight of the world is on my shoulders,
When trouble lurks every turn of the road i take,
When my head is in my hands trying to learn from my mistakes
When my screams for help are unheard, soft and distant murmurs.


Love so strong its bond made in heaven,
In your lessons of love I make my life worthwhile
I hear your voice when I feel stuck in a rut with these endless trials,
The most precious gift I was ever given.


I look in the mirror and cant help but see,
I think of the painful past,the promising present and the fruits it will bear in the future,
I remember that strength, thats unlike any i ever have ever seen before,
I realise...I am my mother's daughter, its crystal clear to me.

reflections

I knew when I looked in his eyes
That he was gonna be trouble for me...

Walls...built strong to keep out, to protect.
Something so precious deep within,
Something so fragile, noone can be let in.

I took pieces of wood and I made this ladder,
I placed it against your wall just to look over.
The sight I saw mesmerised me into silence,
But a glimpse was all I got coz here I am falling.

I saw the reflection in the mirror and the eyes couldnt meet mine,
Theres a fear in the air that might dull the shine
I should walk away
But what is it about you that makes me stay

Here today, gone tomorrow,
all that will be left are memories and sorrow.
Hold on to the gift
before you know it, it will be gone, in a move that will be silent...and swift.

i love u i do

could it be? I think it could!
do u love me? I knew u would!
are u afraid? so am i
dont want to be away frm me? then why r u?

im sitting in the depth of a deep hole...looking up and seeing the stars in the black sky/
Im afraid of this silence and wat it holds for me..But those stars...they comfort me.
Its cold and Im tired, I just want to be free...
I shut my eyes and I see you looking at me.
Hold my hand its all i need
your love is precious...it frees me.

When Im with you..I see u...
in ways i could never tell u...
Trust me and we'll see the world in a different light,
Hold me and i promise i wont give you up without a fight

this is me now

how do i know this is love?
how do i know if he loves?
how do i know if i can trust?
how do i know i wont get hurt?

I guess I'll never know.

Thank you for this twisted knot in the pit of my stomach...
For showing me the highest highs and the lowest lows...
I'll be thinking about everything u said and everything you did and waiting to hear it and see it all over again...
For this increased heart rate everytime i see yr name on my phone
For this dereased heart rate everytime i dont
For this sweet pain
For this bittersweet longing for proximity..

Thank you...

So for now, I'll just wait, and feel the sweet pain you always seem to make me feel.